Late Night Fun With My Pal Dracula

Hello. Have you heard of Omegle? Well bully to you, but I hadn’t until yesterday. Now I love it. Sure, mostly all you get are requests for cybersex, but occasionally you get a piece of 24carrat gold, like this:

Omegle conversation log 2009-12-09
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hello
You: So tell me, where would you most like to go in the world?
Stranger: im vampire i go to hell
You: Nah, I don’t believe in hell
Stranger: im vampire
You: and even if I did
You: I don’t think vampires would go there
You: you guys are ok by me
Stranger:
You: if it’s ok to eat animal blood, why not human blood?
Stranger: im a lady
You: I am also a lady
You: though I’d usually just say woman
Stranger: i haven’t drinked blood in 50 years
Stranger: human
Stranger: blood
Stranger: i wuit eith it
Stranger: quit imean
You: Wow
You: that must have been hard
You: worse than giving up smoking
Stranger: yes it still is
Stranger: that to
You: you gave up smoking AND blood!
You: Gee, you’re hardcore huh?
Stranger: no
Stranger: alternative
You: Ahhh
You: I see
You: yes, well, I don’t think people would mind you smoking if they realised what you were having to go without
You: though sometimes I think people are more scared of smokers than Vampires
Stranger: yeah me 2
Stranger: i was born in 1901
Stranger: 14 mai
You: Wow
You: that’s awesome
Stranger: :$
You: How was the First World War?
You: I guess you were only 13
You: you might not remmeber it very well
Stranger: no i don’t remeber my human life anymore
You: oh that’s a shame. I bet a lot of historians would like to talk to you.
You: So when did you become a Vampire then?
Stranger: when i was 18
You: Oh, were you dying in the great Influenza epidemic and some handsome Vampire saved you?
Stranger: no
You: pity
You: what happened then?
Stranger: i wanted to be vampire so i looked for them so i whas bitten
You: That’s pretty brave of you
Stranger: :$
Stranger: well if you want something it must happen
You: That’s a good motto for life
You: or, in your case, death
Stranger:
You: So tell me
You: what do you think of all these ‘Twilight’ vampires?
You: Any truth, or is it just silly?
Stranger: some things are right some are not realistick
You: Oh yeah?
You: what’s real?
Stranger: a vampire can’t be woth a human
Stranger: with*
Stranger: we are fast we drink blood
You: too tempting?
You: Would a vampire just be all up in that shit?
You: I expect a human wouldn’t stand a chance
Stranger: ? hoe do you mean?
Stranger: i don’t get you?
You: I mean, if a human and a vampire got together
You: the vampire would just find it too tempting to drink
You: is that what you meant?
Stranger: it’s hard to don’t think of blood, it torture me
You: Poor thing
You: If I were you I’d go back to it
Stranger: i think it’s impossible to be with a human with a hunger like me’
You: there’d probably be a lot of humans willing to let you feast on them
You: Yeah, that Edward Cullen is kind of a pussy
You: he’s probably not even a proper vampire
Stranger: yeah you richt ;P
Stranger: right*
You: So are you sexy? Are all vampires super hot? Or is that a lie too?
You: Oh and what about the glittery skin thing?
Stranger: well that’s not a lie, everything of me atracting people, my smell, my face everything, but that glittery thing is a lie
You: I knew it
You: Stephanie Meyer
You: what a dumb bitch
Stranger:
You: so how do you survive
You: if you don’t drink blood anymore
Stranger: animalblood
You: lame
Stranger:
You: seriously pal
You: go find some willing humans
You: Vampires are totally in now!
You: everyone wants to be one!
Stranger: lol
Stranger: it’s a torture not a passion or something
You: Oh really?
You: you mean there are no perks?
Stranger: i want to be normal
Stranger: like a human
Stranger: i want to sleep i want to get rid of the humanbloodhunger
You: oh that sounds so sad
You: maybe you hould get someone to stake you thorugh the heart
You: no, I take it back
You: don’t do that
Stranger: i want to ‘life’ i don’t want to be death
You: I’ll be your friend, vampire buddy!
Stranger:
You: is there any chance of reversing the process?
Stranger: no
Stranger: ;”9
Stranger: :’(
You: You know, you use a lot more emoticons that I expected a vampire would
Stranger:
You: but I guess you guys are pretty down with the internet
You: I mean, if you can’t go out during the day
You: I expect you spend a lot of time online
Stranger: yea i’ve got nothing to do
Stranger: can i have your emailedresS?
Stranger: mine is: **** (They did give it to me, but I’m not a total douche)
You: That doesn’t sound all that vampiric
You: ok
You: mine is: the_babel_fish@hotmail.com
Stranger: funny name
You: It’s from a book by Douglas Adams
Stranger:
You: man, I wish he’d been made a vampire instead of just getting a heart attack at the gym
You: maybe he was
Stranger: got 2 goo byee
You: you didn’t bite any middle-aged British authors?
You: ok
You: well
You: It’s been grand
You: and do yourself a favour,
You: get some human blood in ya
You: Byee!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I think my favourite bit was ‘humanbloodhunger’. I am going to work it into everyday conversation from now on.